(no subject)

[greghousesgf]

I've been really overwhelmed with what's happened to me over the past few years. I need to make something clear regarding my past. I have spent a great deal of my life being very lonely. I have a very unusual personality (due to Asperger's which went undiagnosed until I was 36) and on top of this I am not considered physically attractive by most people (and it's not all in my head, folks!) and my childhood and adolescence was a bloody misery because of it. I was one of those outcast kids from early childhood all the way up through college, if you have seen Carrie or Welcome to the Dollhouse you will have some idea of it, although my mother isn't crazy and abusive like Carrie's and my sister did not get kidnapped like the kid in Welcome to the Dollhouse. One reason I don't like kids is because most of them act like little nazis around anybody who is a bit different. My parents were not abusive but they really did not understand me or my situation and for some reason they were under the impression that the abuse was due to my following the inbred little shits around. I don't know where that idea came from, I was doing nothing of the kind, but I digress. Anyway, after I got out of that and got a bit older, that sort of crap thinned off but it does leave emotional scars, and I was very lonely and had a hard time making friends for a long time after that. it was only in the past several years that I have become really popular. I now have lots of friends and I'm absolutely thrilled. I have been spending the past few days with many of them and it's really brought the whole situation into very sharp HD like focus. For the first time EVER I have felt like if someone doesn't like my looks it's their fucking problem, not mine. I can really relax and be natural around most people and I'm feeling incredibly satisfied.

Comments

[arhh.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I tend not to make friends easily. I have lots of acquaintances, but the circle of people that I call friends is fairly small.

Was amongst the outcasts in school too, by high school it was more of a choice even though by that time there were a few others like me (more academically inclined than into parties and sports and had grasped the fact there was more beyond high school and that the fact cheerleader a was just dumped or what have you by jock b was not the earth shattering event everyone thought it was) that I got along with and it made it more tolerable. College was a better experience, although am I loner by nature I guess.

Glad you have made it out of your shell- and I hear you, my folks were always putting the blame of my 'lack of getting along with other kids' on me too, like I was at fault, like I was wrong because I just wasn't into the same things as other kids my age and you are right, it does leave scars *hugs*.

It is great to have a circle of friends that you can be yourself in :)

[chocolate-frapp.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*