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16/2/11 11:37![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greghousesgfTurns out my doctor decided to do a hysterectomy because my periods are so FUBAR. I'm going into the hospital on Friday at 10 and will be there for a few days. I'm feeling a slight buzz from having taken a Vicodin a little while ago for the pain but I'm actually glad this is being done, I never liked having periods anyway and I already had my tubes tied years ago because I never wanted kids.
at any rate, here's my fic, "Iggy Pop Go the Zombies" with DVD commentary as requested by the lovely alice_holbart!
{All my commentary is in brackets like this.}
Iggy Pop Go The Zombies
{this title is intended to be a weird pun on Pop Goes the Weasel. I was inspired to write this in the first place because of a meme to the effect of: zombies have invaded the mall, which weapon do you use on them, who do you want as a partner, what music do you want playing in the background? I picked a fireball-shooting bazooka thing I had in a dream, House, and "TV Eye" by Iggy Pop.}
(House, Wilson, Cameron, Foreman, Chase and Chocolate Frapp are walking through a mall. House is being tolerably rough
{the phrase "tolerably rough with" in reference to eating shows up in "The Inimitable Jeeves"}
with a cherry
{I notice on the show whenever House has a sucker it's always a red one so I have him figured for a cherry-raspberry-strawberry man}
slurpee.)
Foreman: Why exactly are we hanging out in this mall when we're supposed to be working?
Chocolate Frapp: Because SOMEBODY heard Cuddy was planning on going lingerie shopping at Victoria's Secret during her lunch hour. (House sticks his tongue out at Chocolate Frapp.)Oooo, looks like the Rolling Stones logo!
{you can't always get what you want.}
(suggestively) Nice tongue, sugarlump!
{Hugh Laurie's tongue drives me nuts.}
Wilson: (jealous) Knock it off with that "sugarlump" crap, Chocolate, he's mine!!
CF: Wilson, you're selfish! Anyway, I didn't see you getting all possessive during those group gr--
{yes, my SI was going to say "group gropes".}
Chase: Eurggh, TMI!
Foreman: (putting his hands over his ears) LA LA LA LA, I DO NOT HEAR YOU!
(Cameron just looks grossed out. Loud crash.)
House: What the fuck was that?
(Zombies show up, start shambling towards our heroes.)
House: Oh shit! I should have brought my sword cane!
{They've never said it on the show but i think he would have one.}
(CF brings out something resembling a cross between a small bazooka and a large rifle.)
CF: Blocked, cocked and ready to rock! (She runs into a store called We Be NRA
{I'm not as frightened by guns as most other liberals but I am scared of crazy or stupid people with guns.}
and breaks the front window. Other people in the mall are too busy trying to run away from the zombies to be put out by her behavior.) Smashie smashie!
{yes, I got "smashie smashie" from the Simpsons.}
(She runs back and hands House a tommy gun and starts handing round Glocks to the other doctors.
{they're docs with Glocks!}
"TV Eye" by Iggy Pop starts playing in the background. CF shoots large fireballs at zombies.)
House: Little help here, Chocolate, grab my shoulder, this bad boy is gonna knock me a little off balance.
{I do think a Tommy gun would knock him off balance.}
(He shoots zombies while CF holds his shoulder. Foreman and Cameron also shoot zombies.)
Cameron: House, do you respect me a little more now that you know I can shoot zombies?
House: Sure, but I'm still not gonna have sex with you. (Cameron pouts.)
CF: (voice of Nelson Muntz) Haw haw!
House: (trying to be protective) Wilson, get the hell out of here, you can't deal with this.
Wilson: I'm not going to just leave you here!
{I don't know if this is on TV tropes but it should be, it's shown up in many horror movies, action adventure, war movies, westerns, etc. Our Heroes are under seige, the main guy tells someone, usually the person he's in love with, to leave, save themselves. this person usually refuses at first. Whether this person leaves or not, they nearly always survive.}
House: OK, you wanna make yourself useful, a large chunk of zombie just landed near my right foot. Take it, make your way back to the hospital and get it tested for everything except lupus.
{Because it's never lupus! And House being House, he of course wants to know what's causing the zombie-ism.}
(A terrified Hot Dog on a Stick girl
{I always felt sorry for them having to wear such dorky uniforms, plus fast food jobs suck in general, I know because I've had a couple}
runs past Wilson. He grabs her hat without her really noticing and uses it to scoop up the chunk of zombie on the floor. House takes the walkie talkies from two dead security guys and tosses one to Wilson, who catches it awkwardly.)
Call me on this when you get to the hospital and let me know what's going on.
Wilson: You got it. In case we don't make it--(kisses House on the lips.
{I'm a big old slasher!}
House does not exactly object to this. Cameron pouts, Chase looks ill, Foreman pointedly looks the other way and CF has an "awww, how sweet" expression. "The Ace of Spades" by Motorhead starts playing in the background.
{I put this song in partly because it's an awesome song to fight zombies by and partly because it was used in the Bambi episode of the "Young Ones" that Hugh appeared in.}
Wilson runs out and everyone else besides Chase goes back to shooting zombies. Chase takes the opportunity to go hide behind a planter.)
CF: This music works fairly well for what we're doing anyway.
House: Well, any hardass fast rock would work here.
CF: We're the good guys and we're doing the shooting, though, so they can't fucking play any John Lennon, 'cause he was a good guy who got shot. They fucking trash John's memory like that, I'm gonna make the soundtrack guys sorry they were born!!
{I love John Lennon and I will get that pissed about anyone making jokes about his death.}
(House bugs his eyes and looks very taken aback in response to this rant.) Quit making that face, you look like Bertie Wooster. (Fourth Wall loses a large chunk, taking several zombies with it.) {A literal fourth wall joke. }
Wilson: (through walkie talkie) Boy Wonder Oncologist to Wounded Alpha Male, come in Wounded Alpha Male.
{some magazine seriously called House this. My immediate thought was how ridiculous he'd think it was.}
House: Wounded Alph--whaa? (yelling into walkie talkie, irritated) yeah, Tinky Winky to Barney the fucking dinosaur!!
{roomie suggested this reaction.}
Wilson, what the hell is going on!?
Wilson: I drove to the hospital and dropped off the sample at the lab. I didn't see any zombies on the road--OH MY GOD! THERE'S A ZOMBIE IN THE HOSPITAL!! wait, false alarm, it's only Thirteen.
{can you tell I don't like thirteen?}
(Both House and CF start laughing. music changes to "Suffragette City" by David Bowie.)
{Awwwwwwwwwwww, WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM!}
CF: I think we might want to get out of here pretty soon. I think that wall that just partly fell down might have been a supporting wall.
Foreman: You study architecture?
CF: (embarrassed) No, I only know what a supporting wall is from watching Fawlty Towers.
{true}
House: What IS it with you and British comedies?!
{In fact, this whole fic was very much inspired by "Shaun of the Dead".}
(Fourth Wall loses another very large chunk which falls on several more zombies. A large number of soldiers enter the mall.)
1st Soldier: We've found survivors!
2nd Soldier: We're here to evacuate you and get this zombie situation taken care of. If you'll come with us--
House: (slightly dubious) You're that sure.
3rd Soldier: With all due respect, sir, Iraq makes this look like a kid's birthday party.
{I support the troops but not the war.}
4th Soldier: Are there any other survivors here we should know about?
House: Yeah, there's an Aussie chickenshit in a fetal position behind that planter.
5th Soldier: (talking to Chase behind the planter) Sir, come with us, please. Put the teddy bear down sir.
{he got it from Build a Bear}
(Everybody gets escorted out by the soldiers.)
CF: Hey, I just thought of something! We just beat a stupid bigoted cliche! There are way too many horror movies where the first people to get whacked are black guys, disabled guys, or women who show any evidence of sexuality!
{I always hated it when they did that in horror movies.}
We gave that bullshit the axe!
House: (gleeful) Kicked it to the curb!
Foreman: It deserved it! (high fives or hugs exchanged by House, Foreman, CF and Cameron. Some of the soldiers cheer. Chase looks ashamed. All main characters and a few soldiers get in a Humvee and it takes off. House and CF's victory hug and kiss goes on awfully long. The usual shot of the hospital from above, then cut to a hallway in the hospital. Cuddy, carrying a Victoria's Secret bag, walks up to a very nervous looking Wilson.)
Cuddy: Anything happen while I was on my lunch hour?
Wilson: You weren't at the mall?
Cuddy: No, I went to the Victoria's Secret across town. I never go to that mall, it's always too crowded.
Wilson *facepalm*
{RSL plays "chagrined" well, he always has.}
at any rate, here's my fic, "Iggy Pop Go the Zombies" with DVD commentary as requested by the lovely alice_holbart!
{All my commentary is in brackets like this.}
Iggy Pop Go The Zombies
{this title is intended to be a weird pun on Pop Goes the Weasel. I was inspired to write this in the first place because of a meme to the effect of: zombies have invaded the mall, which weapon do you use on them, who do you want as a partner, what music do you want playing in the background? I picked a fireball-shooting bazooka thing I had in a dream, House, and "TV Eye" by Iggy Pop.}
(House, Wilson, Cameron, Foreman, Chase and Chocolate Frapp are walking through a mall. House is being tolerably rough
{the phrase "tolerably rough with" in reference to eating shows up in "The Inimitable Jeeves"}
with a cherry
{I notice on the show whenever House has a sucker it's always a red one so I have him figured for a cherry-raspberry-strawberry man}
slurpee.)
Foreman: Why exactly are we hanging out in this mall when we're supposed to be working?
Chocolate Frapp: Because SOMEBODY heard Cuddy was planning on going lingerie shopping at Victoria's Secret during her lunch hour. (House sticks his tongue out at Chocolate Frapp.)Oooo, looks like the Rolling Stones logo!
{you can't always get what you want.}
(suggestively) Nice tongue, sugarlump!
{Hugh Laurie's tongue drives me nuts.}
Wilson: (jealous) Knock it off with that "sugarlump" crap, Chocolate, he's mine!!
CF: Wilson, you're selfish! Anyway, I didn't see you getting all possessive during those group gr--
{yes, my SI was going to say "group gropes".}
Chase: Eurggh, TMI!
Foreman: (putting his hands over his ears) LA LA LA LA, I DO NOT HEAR YOU!
(Cameron just looks grossed out. Loud crash.)
House: What the fuck was that?
(Zombies show up, start shambling towards our heroes.)
House: Oh shit! I should have brought my sword cane!
{They've never said it on the show but i think he would have one.}
(CF brings out something resembling a cross between a small bazooka and a large rifle.)
CF: Blocked, cocked and ready to rock! (She runs into a store called We Be NRA
{I'm not as frightened by guns as most other liberals but I am scared of crazy or stupid people with guns.}
and breaks the front window. Other people in the mall are too busy trying to run away from the zombies to be put out by her behavior.) Smashie smashie!
{yes, I got "smashie smashie" from the Simpsons.}
(She runs back and hands House a tommy gun and starts handing round Glocks to the other doctors.
{they're docs with Glocks!}
"TV Eye" by Iggy Pop starts playing in the background. CF shoots large fireballs at zombies.)
House: Little help here, Chocolate, grab my shoulder, this bad boy is gonna knock me a little off balance.
{I do think a Tommy gun would knock him off balance.}
(He shoots zombies while CF holds his shoulder. Foreman and Cameron also shoot zombies.)
Cameron: House, do you respect me a little more now that you know I can shoot zombies?
House: Sure, but I'm still not gonna have sex with you. (Cameron pouts.)
CF: (voice of Nelson Muntz) Haw haw!
House: (trying to be protective) Wilson, get the hell out of here, you can't deal with this.
Wilson: I'm not going to just leave you here!
{I don't know if this is on TV tropes but it should be, it's shown up in many horror movies, action adventure, war movies, westerns, etc. Our Heroes are under seige, the main guy tells someone, usually the person he's in love with, to leave, save themselves. this person usually refuses at first. Whether this person leaves or not, they nearly always survive.}
House: OK, you wanna make yourself useful, a large chunk of zombie just landed near my right foot. Take it, make your way back to the hospital and get it tested for everything except lupus.
{Because it's never lupus! And House being House, he of course wants to know what's causing the zombie-ism.}
(A terrified Hot Dog on a Stick girl
{I always felt sorry for them having to wear such dorky uniforms, plus fast food jobs suck in general, I know because I've had a couple}
runs past Wilson. He grabs her hat without her really noticing and uses it to scoop up the chunk of zombie on the floor. House takes the walkie talkies from two dead security guys and tosses one to Wilson, who catches it awkwardly.)
Call me on this when you get to the hospital and let me know what's going on.
Wilson: You got it. In case we don't make it--(kisses House on the lips.
{I'm a big old slasher!}
House does not exactly object to this. Cameron pouts, Chase looks ill, Foreman pointedly looks the other way and CF has an "awww, how sweet" expression. "The Ace of Spades" by Motorhead starts playing in the background.
{I put this song in partly because it's an awesome song to fight zombies by and partly because it was used in the Bambi episode of the "Young Ones" that Hugh appeared in.}
Wilson runs out and everyone else besides Chase goes back to shooting zombies. Chase takes the opportunity to go hide behind a planter.)
CF: This music works fairly well for what we're doing anyway.
House: Well, any hardass fast rock would work here.
CF: We're the good guys and we're doing the shooting, though, so they can't fucking play any John Lennon, 'cause he was a good guy who got shot. They fucking trash John's memory like that, I'm gonna make the soundtrack guys sorry they were born!!
{I love John Lennon and I will get that pissed about anyone making jokes about his death.}
(House bugs his eyes and looks very taken aback in response to this rant.) Quit making that face, you look like Bertie Wooster. (Fourth Wall loses a large chunk, taking several zombies with it.) {A literal fourth wall joke. }
Wilson: (through walkie talkie) Boy Wonder Oncologist to Wounded Alpha Male, come in Wounded Alpha Male.
{some magazine seriously called House this. My immediate thought was how ridiculous he'd think it was.}
House: Wounded Alph--whaa? (yelling into walkie talkie, irritated) yeah, Tinky Winky to Barney the fucking dinosaur!!
{roomie suggested this reaction.}
Wilson, what the hell is going on!?
Wilson: I drove to the hospital and dropped off the sample at the lab. I didn't see any zombies on the road--OH MY GOD! THERE'S A ZOMBIE IN THE HOSPITAL!! wait, false alarm, it's only Thirteen.
{can you tell I don't like thirteen?}
(Both House and CF start laughing. music changes to "Suffragette City" by David Bowie.)
{Awwwwwwwwwwww, WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM!}
CF: I think we might want to get out of here pretty soon. I think that wall that just partly fell down might have been a supporting wall.
Foreman: You study architecture?
CF: (embarrassed) No, I only know what a supporting wall is from watching Fawlty Towers.
{true}
House: What IS it with you and British comedies?!
{In fact, this whole fic was very much inspired by "Shaun of the Dead".}
(Fourth Wall loses another very large chunk which falls on several more zombies. A large number of soldiers enter the mall.)
1st Soldier: We've found survivors!
2nd Soldier: We're here to evacuate you and get this zombie situation taken care of. If you'll come with us--
House: (slightly dubious) You're that sure.
3rd Soldier: With all due respect, sir, Iraq makes this look like a kid's birthday party.
{I support the troops but not the war.}
4th Soldier: Are there any other survivors here we should know about?
House: Yeah, there's an Aussie chickenshit in a fetal position behind that planter.
5th Soldier: (talking to Chase behind the planter) Sir, come with us, please. Put the teddy bear down sir.
{he got it from Build a Bear}
(Everybody gets escorted out by the soldiers.)
CF: Hey, I just thought of something! We just beat a stupid bigoted cliche! There are way too many horror movies where the first people to get whacked are black guys, disabled guys, or women who show any evidence of sexuality!
{I always hated it when they did that in horror movies.}
We gave that bullshit the axe!
House: (gleeful) Kicked it to the curb!
Foreman: It deserved it! (high fives or hugs exchanged by House, Foreman, CF and Cameron. Some of the soldiers cheer. Chase looks ashamed. All main characters and a few soldiers get in a Humvee and it takes off. House and CF's victory hug and kiss goes on awfully long. The usual shot of the hospital from above, then cut to a hallway in the hospital. Cuddy, carrying a Victoria's Secret bag, walks up to a very nervous looking Wilson.)
Cuddy: Anything happen while I was on my lunch hour?
Wilson: You weren't at the mall?
Cuddy: No, I went to the Victoria's Secret across town. I never go to that mall, it's always too crowded.
Wilson *facepalm*
{RSL plays "chagrined" well, he always has.}
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16/2/11 20:00 (UTC)(no subject)
16/2/11 20:31 (UTC)(no subject)
16/2/11 20:38 (UTC)(no subject)
16/2/11 22:09 (UTC)and haha, I started to type "Hughs" instead of hugs!
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17/2/11 18:39 (UTC)*hugs back*
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